National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Dear Joey-

 

Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.  They ask that we light a candle for you as a way to honor your life. So we did just that.

Tonight Daddy and I lit this candle in your memory and also in memory of your friends Jack, Leah and Hope.  

 

There is not a minute that goes by that I don’t think of you. I hope you are being good up there and watching out for us, we both know Daddy and I could use a little extra help sometimes ;)

 

I miss you so much, especially this Fall season.  I had my first glass of cider a few weeks ago and it made me cry. Remember how (strangely enough) that was the only thing I could hold down for six weeks? Remember how I ate concord grapes every day for a week until I threw up? I ate a whole bushel of them today and thought of you every time I popped one in my mouth. Remember how I was so excited when Daddy got me an OSU shirt and when I put it on you were showing through? Remember how one year ago today we got to see you for the first time dancing around on the ultrasound?

 

I hope you remember every moment we had together because I will treasure every single one for the rest of my life.

I love you Joey.

With me every step of the way.

Please say a prayer today for all of the babies gone to soon and the families that miss them more than ever.

Bare Bum

Geez, I didn’t realize it has been so long…

Hi. My name is Kristen and I have been slacking on my posts. Life has calmed down a bit and you will hear from me more often. I promise!
 

Today I tell you about my poor, poor puppy. Over the past week and a half he has had an itchy spot on his bum/base of his tail. He has this same problem every fall so we are used to it. We have been applying hydrocortisone and pumping him full of benadryl hoping to avoid the vet. Some years this method works, others not so much.

Friday I woke up and he was miserable, this year was one of the not-so-much years.

Rudi at the vet is hysterical. He isn’t one of those dogs that cries and becomes outraged. Instead, he tries to become invisible. He doesn’t make eye contact with anyone or thing and he hides behind anything he can. The vet enters the room and there is Rudi hiding behind me, sneaking peeks at him from between my legs, almost knocking me over in the process. Need I remind you that he weighs 116 pounds (as of Friday) and is 4 feet long?! 

 

The vet takes a look at his bum and says that he needs to shave the area to let it breath and heal.

Five minutes later Rudi is back looking like this:

 The white stuff is a numbing/antibiotic powder. It was a lifesaver (and it should be for $40). It numbs the affected areas and applies an antibiotic and steroid for healing.

Seeing his bare bum (and sores) brought tears to my eyes. At that moment I felt like I horrible mom. He had two quarter-sized sores and probably a dozen smaller ones. No wonder he was so miserable for a week.

 

An empty wallet, two prescriptions and a bare-bummed pup later we were on our way home.

Let me just say, he was not happy about his new haircut, but it seems to have grown on him. The steroids have kicked in (along with his hellacious appetite) and he is feeling much better.

Fail.

I am going to go ahead and chalk the past 16 hours up in the Fail category for the following reasons:

1. I locked my keys in my car while at the grocery store last night.

2. I called my husband to see if he could come save me. He misunderstood when I said I was at the Kroger at the corner of “Morrison and Hamilton” and instead drove to the Kroger at the corner of “Morse and Hamilton.” One hour later, he was back at the Kroger that he drove past to get to the wrong Kroger, and unlocked my door. He blames it on my lack of enunciation and twang (you know, the one that he insists I have, that I do not). I say, he didn’t listen to what I said!

3. I got nothing accomplished last night that I wanted to, because my one hour grocery trip turned into a 2.5 hour debacle.

4. I was 20 minutes late to work today because people think rain = scary/icy road conditions.

EPIC. FAIL.

I am feeling a lot like the one on the bottom!

Thank goodness today is my Friday and I get to spend the next few days with my family at a cabin in Kentucky!! I have good food, great company, smores and bourbon slushes in my future.

Bring.It.On.

Candles

Candles, candles and more candles.
 

I love them. Candles are such a mood trigger for me. I can’t walk into my house smelling like pumpkin pie and be grumpy! And it is not just me that loves them, my husband is quite infatuated.  In fact, last week he sent me an email containing bath and body works’ newest fall scents and wanted to know if I had any coupons!  Funny enough, later that day I received one letting me know they are doing their 2 for $20 special.

Last weekend we decided to take them up on their offer and spruce up our fall selection. I mean, you can’t burn pineapple mango scented candles in September, come on?!

[Note: Not all candles are created equal. We are accustomed to only buying Bath and Body or Yankee candles. I find that other candles lose their smell after you burn them the first time! These candles last forever and keep their smell as long as you burn them. With my husband being from Cincinnati, we pass a Yankee candle outlet every time we head down! We generally make a stop with every few months.]

We bought four fall scents and a man candle. Yep you read that right, a man candle. My sister and her bf turned us onto these. Yankee candle has a Man-line. They have scents like 2x4 (smells like wood), Mantown (smells like man), Riding Mower and First Down. We purchased First Down for Rik’s “Man Land” in the basement. It is perfect and he loves it! The first thing he did Saturday morning was go downstairs and light his candle. It smells like football, not necessarily a football, but a football game. It has a grassy, leathery smell. It is pretty crazy!

Our house now smells like fall (and the basement like football) and it is quite fabulous!

Here are a few of our new scents:

 



I Will Never Forget

Wow. It is really hard to believe that 9/11 was 11 years ago. I had a discussion a few days ago with co-workers about how weird it is that something still so fresh in our minds happened over a decade ago. 

It is crazy to think that my sisters and brother who are 16, 13, and 12 were barely talking let alone able to comprehend an event that has impacted my generation as much as it has.

I will never forget that day. Ironically, I was sitting in Mrs. Winneburg’s (Winnie-as we called her) American Government class when another teacher came in and told us to turn on the tv. We watched in horror as the second plane hit.  Even writing this, I have chills thinking about it.

At the time they had talked about a third plane hitting the Pentagon. That is when it became a personal matter. I had spoken with my Dad earlier that week and remembered him saying he would be in D.C. at some meetings at the Pentagon for a few days. I remember putting two and two together and panicking. Was he still there? What day was his meeting? Why didn’t I listen closer to what he was saying? Was he ok?

Back then, high school kids didn’t have cell phones (crazy, right?) so I went to the office and used the school phone to try and contact him. I got the busy signal over and over. I later learned it was because cell towers were down.  It several hours before I found out that he was safe at the airport and watched the plane hit.

I know the panic I felt after only a few hours of not knowing. I cannot fathom the panic and pain of those men and women in the towers that day. Or what their loved ones felt watching the Towers fall knowing their loved ones where inside.  I can't begin to understand the thoughts of the wives who talked to their husbands on Flight 93, knowing that would be the last time they spoke.

I salute our nation for standing behind the innocent 2,977 people killed that day. I salute those families who found the strength to go on. I salute our troops and their families for fighting this long, hard war. I salute the men on Flight 93 who said “Let’s Roll.”  I salute the men, women and dogs who spent weeks and months searching for survivors and victims at Ground Zero. I salute all of the unsung heroes from the tragedy of 9/11.

I will never forget.

 

 

 

The Gentle Leader

I hope your weekend was as great as ours! As soon as I take the time to download my pics from my camera, I will post a few.

 

Today’s post is about a life changing event:  the purchase of the gentle leader.

Not Rudi, a look-alike.

Rudi is OK on walks. Rarely Sometimes he is an angel and walks beside or just in front of me. Most Other times he drags walks me. There are times when he sees a stray cat and gives it his best attempt to dislocate my shoulder.

Walking is a daily occasion for us and I hate it when our walks end with me being frustrated at him. He is such a good boy most of the time that I don’t like to be mad at him. I mean, how can you stay mad at this:

 

After a little research, we decided to purchase the gentle leader and see how it works. They instruct you to fit them first and then take them immediately for their first walk. I did that yesterday morning, and let me tell you, it was hysterical. It took us 20 minutes to make it two houses.

He was absolutely, over-the-top ridiculous.  Being almost seven and 120+ pounds, he has gotten used to being in charge most of the time.  He likes to play this game where is goes limp and flops to the ground when he doesn’t want to do something, because he knows that I am not strong enough to do anything about it. He did this after about 15 steps with the gentle leader on.

I apologized to our neighbors and told them we were experimenting and that I was willing to stand there as long as it took for him to realize I was going to win this war. He flopped around like a fish out of water, I dyed laughing, he gave me death stares and went limp, over and over. Really, if someone would have been videotaping, I am sure it would be on some funny videos website. The way he was acting, you would have thought I was torturing him. He was gagging himself and everything. A bit dramatic, you think?

Finally he realized I was not taking it off so he, begrudgingly, decided to give it a try. Although, I think he was planning my demise in the first few steps after he admitted defeat.

A block or so in he recognized that it was, in fact, not hurting him and he could still smell and leave his pee-mail. After that realization, he was OK with it. We still have a little work to do, but it was such a difference.

It was the first time, since he was 12 weeks old that I felt in-charge during our walk. He did not pull once!! We even encountered the stray cat and he made no attempt to go after it. I felt like I had won Gettysburg!

I am so excited to enjoy our walks and not worry about not being able to control him! THIS THING IS AMAZING!!!

Marriage and Cherry Coke

Happy Friday!

 

Today is a great day for three reasons.

The first: My in-laws leave for their anniversary trip to Cabo San Lucas tomorrow morning. I hope they have a great week on the beach!!

 

The second: Two great friends are getting married this evening! They are one of those couples that are perfect for each other. You know, the kind that you have no doubt one day your grandchildren will play together. I can’t wait to help them celebrate!

The third: I found out the cafeteria at work now has Cherry Coke on tap. If you know me, you know my love for Cherry Coke. I am not a big pop (soda/whatever you call it) drinker, but I crave Cherry Coke. It cures headaches, hangovers and upset stomachs. I even know what restaurants in Cbus have it. If I am having McDonalds, I will drive out of my way to go to the one that has Cherry Coke. I refuse to feel guilty or apologize for that! Ha!

Now that it’s only an elevator ride away, I foresee my once-a-week-pop becoming a regular affair! Oh, and I may have a shirt that has the cherry coke logo on it. Yep, true story.

 

Have a great weekend friends!

Fall is Upon Us!

 

 

 Fall is here. Fall is here!! 

Source: imgfave.com via Shannon on Pinterest

In our household the season has officially arrived. How do we know it’s Fall, you ask? Well because a pumpkin spice candle is burning, pumpkin spice coffee is in the pantry and we are watching football, that’s how!!

 

Rik thinks it’s still a little early to be celebrating its arrival, but it’s September 5^th and  I say, it’s time! Who cares if it is 90 degrees outside? My goal for this weekend is to get my fall decorations up. Woohoo!

It is by far, my favorite season. I love the smell of Fall. I love the colors. I love the warm days and cool evenings. I love sitting by a fire with a glass of wine.  I love pumpkin spice lattes. I love watching football. I love it all!
 

Speaking of football, I am the commissioner of an all-girls fantasy league, Touchdowns and Tiaras. It is officially our third year. This year, however, is the first year of seriousness.  We are playing for money and a tiara. Yes, it’s true. Our winner gets to wear a tiara for the entire season and at the draft party of the following season.  Ha!

We have so much fun doing this.  The team names are hysterical, the trash talk is brutal and getting together is a blast.  Who says only boys enjoy football?!  I’ve got 12 girls that would tell you otherwise.

Here are a few pics from our draft party:

The Commissioner...it's serious business!

Last Year's Winner

Touchdowns and Tiaras 2012

 

Lots of Excitement

Happy Hump Day friends! So far today, I have spilled half my coffee on my desk, dropped a bowl of oatmeal (uncooked) on my office floor and accidentally put my water in the freezer instead of the fridge (now it is frozen solid). FAIL.  At least it is already Wednesday. I love long weekends and short weeks!

 

Labor day weekend was full of excitement for us. Saturday was spent hanging with friends and watching the first Ohio State game of the season. Go Bucks!

Sunday we went surprised Rik’s parents with a mini 30^th Anniversary party.  His sister gets the credit for organizing the soiree. We met at her place and then drove to his parents together. We sent our pups in the house first with anniversary balloons around their necks.  We took them for dinner and drinks at the Cheesecake Factory.  It was so much fun surprising them and celebrating 30 years! The evening ended with his mom putting on her wedding dress. I can only pray that I will still fit into my dress after 30 years! She looked great!

 

Happy 30^th Anniversary to the best in-laws a girl could ask for. I mean, seriously, the best!

 

Monday, we got the exciting news that great friends of ours welcomed a beautiful baby girl, Ella Grace. Jen is a close friend of mine, stemming back to my college/sorority years. She has been such a great support person for me since January. They have two angel babies and finally have one that they get to take home. I could not be happier for them!! I cannot wait to get my hands on this little one.

 

Meet Ella Grace!

Dog Tired

I am feeling a lot like this:

 and this today:

Thank goodness tomorrow is Friday!

If you (like me) need something to pick you up this afternoon, check out this website. It's pretty funny stuff! I give credit to my sister-in-law for finding it, thank you :)

 

Quote of the Week

I promised you a weekend update! You will get it, but not today.

Instead, I will give you the quote that is at the top of my planner for this week:

“Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.”

                                                                 Norman Vincent Peale

August 24th, Seriously?!

Blink. Blink. Hello, August 24.
 

Seriously, where has this summer gone? We have spent most (all) of our summer on the road. I am, by no means, complaining. We have spent more time with our families this summer than ever. The trips have included vacations, baby showers, 6^th birthday parties, class reunions, golf outings, graduations, 20^th birthday, Mom and Sister-in law birthdays, 25^th birthdays, 16^th birthdays, bachelorette parties, school clothes shopping…

Are you exhausted after reading that…yeah me too! I went eight weeks without spending a Saturday night in my own bed!

 

We have neglected our house, our yard and ourselves. This weekend will be spent getting caught up on all three. We have 50 bags of mulch being delivered today along with new landscape lights. Who is pumped? This girl! We have spent the past two nights getting new bushes planted, old bushes trimmed and everything ready for a fresh coat of mulch.  So what if we probably should have mulched three months ago. Better late than never, right? 

If I haven’t said this before (although I think I have), I love gardening and yard work. I love it! I love picking out new plants and watching them grow (or die in the case of a few of my picks).  Gardening is a fine art. It is a game, really, of trial and error. I finally feel like I am starting to master it.  Just because you want a pretty, flowering bush in a certain spot, doesn’t mean it is going to grow there! I have learned that lesson the hard way.

 

My husband has been very patient with my obsession for planting and replanting. This is our 5^th summer in the house (which is insane) and I finally feel like I have our landscaping how I want it. He doesn’t believe I am done planting, but I promise I am!

I can’t help that I love lilacs, daylilies, hydrangeas and azaleas. Or, that when we moved in, our yard lacked all four! I am proud to say that we now have three lilac bushes, two hydrangeas, a hot pink azalea bush and upwards of a dozen daylilies! WOOHOO!!

 

Happy Friday Friends J

I will be back next week with an update!

It's Friday!

True story: I met an adolescent this week with the legal, birth name of Ice Cold (first and middle name).  Yep, it happened. Can you even imagine doing that to a child?

Aside from the above note, these three things made me giggle, on this rainy Friday morning. Happy Weekend :)

If you have never visited http://textfromdog.tumblr.com, do it now!



Yep, this is how I feel.

 

The reaction of a baby gorilla when the cold stethoscope touched him.

Tattoos

Tattoos. You either love them or hate them.  If you hate them that’s totally fine, I won’t be offended (although, I hope you aren’t someone that immediately passes judgment when you see a person with tattoos).

I love them.

Sure, you have the people that don’t necessarily make the best judgment when getting tattoos. But to me, tattoos tell a story. It may just be a butterfly on someone’s ankle to you, but to that person it could be a memorial tattoo because at their daughter’s funeral there was a beautiful butterfly circling the gravesite. Or, maybe they got it for no reason other than they liked it! Either way, tattoos commemorate a special time, place or person in someone’s life.

I have two tattoos. The first I got with two of my best friends from high school, the summer after my freshman year of college. About four years ago, my best friend and I went together and got new ones. Actually, I added on to my first one. It's in a place you can’t see (unless I decide to moon you) so most people don’t know I have it!  To look at these, you would see a butterfly and a flower, but to me they represent friendship and love.
 

Here is my newest one:

This was taken right after, so it is a little blurry still.

I. LOVE. IT.  It makes me so happy. It is an exact replica of Joey’s footprints. People may look at this and wonder why I got it. Well here is why:

Most people get to bring their children home. They get to spend every day for the rest of their lives looking at their children, holding them, touching them and talking to them. With Joey, I don’t get that. If I want to look at him, I have to open his scrapbook and flip through the pages. Short of taking his scrapbook everywhere I go, if I want to be reminded of him (and I am not at home), I can’t.
 

Having his footprints on my foot allows me to be reminded of him whenever I want. I can rub it and it’s like I am actually touching his sweet tiny toes. It has probably been the most healing part of the last few months. I got the idea the moment I saw his footprints on the paper, when we were still in the hospital.  Even then, only hours after saying goodbye to him, I smiled looking at those precious little feet. In fact, I think it was the first time Rik and I had smiled in over a week. 

I decided not to get it in the midst of my grieving because I didn’t want to regret it. Tattoos are kind of forever. Well, unless you want to pay a ton of money and go through the painful removal process. I said that if after six months I still wanted it, I was getting it. Fast forward seven months and I wanted it more than ever.

After a short 30 minutes with Rik by my side, Joey (and his footprints) will take every step with me for the rest of my life!

I'm Baack!

I’m baack! I know, I know it has been months since you have heard from me. Well, the wait is over. I am back a stronger, healthier and happier person.

I looked back through my old posts and wow, I was in a really bad place.  Venting here really helped me heal and process my thoughts, but it got to a point where I needed a break from it all…the stress, the sadness, the bitterness, the truth.  

Over the past months I have adjusted to my new reality. I am doing great. I will not lie, there is not a minute that goes by that I don’t think of Joey and all of the missed memories, but I don’t get breathtakingly sad when I think of him anymore.  Instead, I picture his sweet face and tiny toes and smile.

There was a time when I did not think I would ever feel “normal” again. I was so sad and angry at everyone and everything. I would be upset when people didn’t talk about Joey, even though I didn’t want to talk about him. I hated when people treated me normal but was upset when they didn’t.  People kept telling me that I needed to get better and think about the future, it was infuriating. People just didn’t get it. The thought of our future without Joey was heartbreaking.

All of it was exhausting.

There was not one specific moment that I remember being “better,” rather I healed a little each day. I had to hit rock bottom before I could begin climbing the ladder back to a healthy, happier me. That day was Mother’s Day. It was the worst day that I had had since leaving the hospital. I woke up crying and went to bed crying. I had hives all day from being so upset. Rik had to literally pick me up off the floor of our bedroom and put me into bed. I woke up the next day and decided that I couldn’t live like that one more day. It wasn’t fair to me and it wasn’t fair to Rik.

It has been a slow process, but I am getting there.  The guilt and bitterness is gone and I feel 100 pounds lighter.  There will always be a Joey sized hole in my heart but sadness and anger doesn’t define me anymore.

Thank you to my family and friends for your continued patience, love and support!