They Say Everything Happens for a Reason

They say, “Everything happens for a reason.”

Normally, I am the type of person that would say this to a friend in distress. I mean, who hasn’t said this at one point or another? It is a way of reassuring this person that there is a bright side to whatever their situation may be. For that matter, who hasn’t said this to themselves? I have, probably a million times, in my 27 years.

Well, being on the receiving end of this (in my recent opinion, over-used) saying, I have to ask, what if there isn’t a reason for everything?

Ok, taking a step back, please understand that I am sad, angry and confused while writing this. Over the past few weeks, I have been reading about the stages of grief and what I can expect to experience. I have also read that while there are several stages of grief, you can often experience multiple “symptoms” of grief all at once, or within the same short period.

I AM THERE.

I spent most of yesterday with tears streaming down my cheeks. Nothing, in particular, triggered my outbursts. I would be in the middle of typing an outline for project implementation (thrilling stuff) and burst into tears. My makeup was cried worn away by 8:15 am, my eyes were puffy and red all day, and my nose swollen (for whatever reason, my already pudgy nose, tends to swell after a long bout of tears).

Today, however, I am mad. I can’t tell you who I am mad at, I am just pissed mad in general. How can this be happening to us? We spent months planning and preparing for our pregnancy and beautiful baby boy.

We did everything right. While I will spare the details, I can tell you the exact day I got pregnant. We planned every step of what was supposed to be the next wonderful and exciting stage of our life.

We were ready to start a family. We took a crazy lovely couples vacation this past summer filled with all of the things you can’t do when you have children on vacation with you. I started taking prenatal vitamins five months before we got pregnant, I took extra Folic Acid to ensure that our baby’s brain had all it needed to develop properly and be smart like his/her daddy. We even picked out our babysitter before we got pregnant. You name it- we planned it.

So back to my original topic- If everything happens for a reason, can someone please tell me why two people who loved this baby more than anything, who love each other as much as we do and who have the means and stability to bring a child into this world, just got their world ripped apart?